Epiphany

So I've come to realize something over the past month, as I've racked up losses that almost erase my entire winnings for the year. I'm a losing online poker player, a winning live poker player, and a profitable poker writer. That's kinda funny in a way, since to people with more patience than I have internet poker is almost like an ATM, you insert time and withdraw money.

Not me. I can string together 2-3 days of winning internet poker, then piss it all away in a frenzy of redonkulous play.

Other realization - I don't really care.

I have a job, one that pays me well and is fulfilling. I enjoy the writing that I do about poker and am constantly amazed that there are people who are willing to give me money for it, and more amazed that there are people who read it. And I love playing cards with people. Real, flesh and blood people that I can look at, lie to, and get a vibe off of. Online poker to me has become a time-killer more than a really enjoyable pastime, and it's pretty heavily reflected in my results. Yes, I know most of my losses this month were live in Vegas, but were I a good internet player, it would not have taken me much time to recoup $900 online. But I'm not, and I'm okay with that.

So I've cashed out a chunk of my bankroll to rebuild my withered live roll, and left myself with about $500 online, about a third of my roll. That gives me enough on Full Tilt and Stars to get into the games I want to play with just enough risk of ruin to make it interesting, because frankly, if there's no chance of going broke, I'm not interested. I play cards for fun and profit, but not to create a real job for myself. So I'm not spending a ton of time "building a bankroll" anymore. As long as I've gota grand or so floating around that I can piss off to Vegas with, I'm good. I don't need to be sufficiently bankrolled, because I can just pick up more side work and earn a new roll in a couple of months.

There are enough people who stop by here to keep my few sponsors happy, and I do enough work for Pokerworks to keep myself in the games I want to play, and right now that's enough for me. I'm never gonna "go pro," or even semi-pro, but I'll take the occassional shot at a bigger tourney to see how it goes, and concentrate on having fun at the game, more than eking out every BB/hr I can squeeze. I still want to play well and get better, but my results focus is shifting a little, I suppose. I don't really care how much I've got in my bankroll, as long as it's enough to sit down with at the table and play.

It's time to have fun again.