I’m not there yet, Felicia.
I’m not emotionally dead enough. I still get excited when I win, and losing still feels like getting kicked in the guts. In an hour or so, I’ll be able to rationalize away the sick feeling by the knowledge that in all four major losing hands tonight, I really did get my money in the middle with the best hand. I want aggro-donkeys calling me (and re-raising me) with garbage hands and then catching their 2-outer to crush my stack, and by extension, soul.
I think, by the way, that it’s a compensatory thing, why men need to have big stacks of chips to feel comfortable at the table. Except Bobby Bracelet, most of us have certain inadequacies we’re trying to cover up at the table, and that’s why we get so overwrought when someone takes away part of our stack. Especially a woman. Losing one or more towers of chips to a woman evokes unpleasant Lorena Bobbitt connotations. But I digress (not much new there).
But after a few set over set and boat over boat losses, my neck muscles are knotted up, I feel the beginnings of a headache forming, there’s a churning in the pit of my stomach that I know Alka-Seltzer won’t help, and I really, really want to break my mouse. But I don’t. Because not only is that immature and stupid, but I use a kinda expensive trackball and that could get pricey after a while. And I need all the ready cash I can muster to keep paying off morons who catch things they should never have been chasing in the first place.
I know that in a half an hour I’ll feel better. Maybe even sooner than that. I may indeed hustle over to micro-limit donkey O8 and throw away a full $5 buy-in chasing everything in the free world just to banish the visions of donkeys with fangs chopping off parts of my prodigious stack with kitchen knives. Or maybe I’ll just play this silly little $10 MTT $1K guarantee on WPX, ‘cause even at only needing 100 people to cover, there’s a 20+ person overlay with 2 minutes to go.
But that whole emotionally dead thing? I’m trying. I realize that it would be a good trait to have. But I’m just not quite there yet. There’s not quite “just chips” yet. Maybe once my entire Vegas roll is squared away for the summer, they’ll be “just chips.” Or maybe I want to keep just a hint of protectiveness of my cash, and just a little of that attitude you talked about folks like Barry Greenstein having; that unwillingness to stand up a loser after a session. I’m no Barry G., I’m neither as smart or as generous. But I’m pretty damn hard-headed, and maybe I can harness that a little more easily than I can fine-tune true deadpan.
Anyway, thanks for the psychology posts. I read them all, try to absorb some things and ignore others. Isn’t that kinda the point of all of us throwing our stuff out here into the interweb anyway? We’re all kinda yelling out to the world “Here I am! Take me or leave me, but here I am!”