ThisIsNotATripReport

There will be no real trip reports forthcoming. I was there for a week, saw my best friends, played cards, and have stories. But there will be no real trip report. Everybody else has already posted theirs are they’re better than mine. The extensive stay on the back end of the blogger party made this an odd trip for me, and getting sicker than fuck my last three days in Vegas didn’t help, so I’ll spend some time this week writing up my impressions of moments and fun things that happened, rather than any kind of chronological trip report.

But first – THANKS APRIL!!! AND HEATHER!!! AND LINDA!!!

I took no pictures, counting on Special K to handle that for me. Soooo, without further ado, let’s take a look at a story we’ll call “My god woman, would you please fold when I bluff!” or “Why Mrs. Columbo hates me” or “Always sit to the left of Ryan and Heather in the mixed game.”

I sat down again in the mixed game at the MGM. This proved to be less than profitable last time around, and judging by my table, wasn’t going to get any better this time. With Byron, Heather, Ryan, Shelly, Columbo and Mrs. Columbo, Statikkling and I’m sure some-damn-body else at the table that can play more than two of the 5 games we had in rotation, I felt well and truly destined to give away my buy-in, then let someone else have the seat.

H – Hold Em – I have a small clue how to play this one, and thus did myself no damage. I’m pretty sure I broke out the first live straddle in the session, garnering a grimace from Mrs. Columbo. This did not bode well, since for the next 24 hours, she would be in almost every pot I was in.

O – Omaha 8 – There are few words to describe the level of suck I have at this game, so I won’t. I played one hand in the first orbit of O. I got quartered. I hate that game.

R – Razz – I actually think this may be my best game, thanks in large part to a little tutelage I picked up from F-Train via the chatbox one night. I didn’t scoop every pot in the first orbit Razz, but I dragged the first three in a row, including the third one, in which Mrs. Columbo managed to tilt me a little by not believing I was as strong as I was representing (obviously I wasn’t, or I wouldn’t have cared). I’ve got an Ace for my door card, with an Ace-5 down, and I complete. There are no other aces up. I catch another wheel card on fourth street and lead out. I get two callers. Byron leaves on fifth street when I catch another card under an 8, but Mrs. C sticks around. I’m starting to sweat a little now, because I’m drawing to the 8, and that’s just not gold. But I figure I can run her out if I keep hammering on the expensive streets, and the 5 on sixth street only looks bad to me, since it gives me two pair. No such luck with the folding. Catching a 3 on seventh makes my 8 low good, and Mrs. C turns over her 8-6 to lose to my 8-5, and I’m golden but shaken.

She would not go away under any circumstances. This trend continues throughout the night as she and I trade chips back and forth, with her coming out significantly ahead of me thanks to her no-bluff, just play good cards strategy. This holds her in good stead against my play any BS cards and try to bully people strategy.

S – Stud hi – I suck. I fold a lot. I think I dragged one pot.
E – Stud 8 – I suck more, but get some great info from Ryan and Heather on playing the low and backing into the high, which leads to me getting half of a couple of pots. Good to play with people who understand the games and are actually willing to help out.

I sit for a couple of hours, thinking all the while that I should be toking Heather rather than the dealers, since she was explaining to them how to deal the games and read the boards, but I had a great time playing and getting lessons on safe play from Ryan and Heather and lessons on aggression from Brian. Good times.

Good times continue the next day when we get Caesar’s to spread a Crazy Pineapple game for us. This is my game, baby! I love me some Pineapple, so when Pablo suggests it, I fairly fly to the list. Then wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. By the time the game opens, Spaceman is on super-list tilt, and the game is gonna be crazy. There were actually a few times that the big blind didn’t get straddled, but none of them belonged to Mrs. Columbo, who had the ill fortune to sit to my immediate right, guaranteeing that no big blind would go unstraddled. It only took about three orbits for her to utter those sweetest words a woman can say at the poker table “I hate you.” It took a little longer, maybe four orbits, for someone to break a pair of sevens in order to play the hammer, but it did indeed happen. It was a crazy game, and I finished up a whopping $10, but thanks to the lack of service from Caesar’s I never had to worry about tipping any cocktail waitresses (but I think I did promise Columbo my firstborn child as a thanks for bringing me a burger).

All references to Mrs. Columbo must be taken with tongue firmly in cheek, because she is in fact a fine card player and a beautiful woman (who never wants to sit to my immediate right) and under no circumstances should any of the BS I’ve been slinging be construed as anything other than the poking of fun I usually reserve for donkeys like Penner (.