Returning the Favor and other Slices of Life

Returning the Favor
Returning the Favor
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Saturday, June 30, 2007

Fantasy Sports Live Strategery Post

I don't have time to play poker, I'm spending all my free time writing about it. So here's my quick primer on playing the contests at Fantasy Sports Live (bonus code Falstaff, beetches!). Now keep in mind that I know fuckall about baseball and if the boys decided to screw with me and put some retired superstar in the available lineup, I'd probably pick him, because I make almost all my picks based on the "I've heard that name before" method.

So here's the key to my walloping $58 profit on Fantasy Sports Live* -

1) Copious research. As I'm flipping to the NFL section on CNN/SI's webpage, I occassionally notice a baseball player's name in the headlines. If they make the headlines, they're likely to be someone I want on my team. As long as they're alive, that is. Yeah, that's my idea of research, but remember, I have a degree in acting because I didn't want to read all those damn books my English professors wanted me to study.

2) Pitching is key. Apparently there's a reason these boys get so much friggin' money - they score a fuckton of fantasy points. Now I'm currently playing mostly salary cap contests, because those are the ones that I'm winning. I don't know how, but if Freddy Deeb can have a lucky shirt, then I can an unreasoning affinity for Salary Cap contests on Fantasy Sports Live (again, bonus code Falstaff). I start off by picking the most expensive pitcher in the day's games. This usually means I'm playing Chipper Jones instead of A-Rod further down the lineup, but didn't I mention that pitching is key? I kinda meant it.

In the three contests I played on Thursday, my pitcher Vasquez (Chicago) brought me 30 points. The nearest other pitcher was 13 points in all three contests. Oddly enough I cashed in all three, and if Nomar hadn't been worthless all week, I woulda been gold, Jerry, gold. That's a drawback to the "draft names you recognize" method - you don't know if you remember them for being good last year, or being good five years ago. And I really have no idea, but I remember Nomar being a cool name, and how wrong can you go with a last name like Garciaperra? Zero points wrong, obviously. Now, there's a theory that states that you could just pick a solid team all around, as several 10-14 point players will beat out a team with a star pitcher and bunch of nobodies, but that requires you to pay attention the the sport, which I find about as appealing as watching my grass grow. I wanna gamboooool, not watch baseball. So fuck a big bag of that, gimme a gunslinger!

3) Play the cap games. Just like in the NFL (you know, that league where there's a salary cap, and it matters), capgames level the field for those of us who know fuckall about baseball. Fantasy Sports Live does $450,000 cap games (in case you thought I forgot, BONUS CODE FALSTAFF, MOFOS!!!), and the most expesnive player I remember seeing was about $170K.

Yes, I could look it up, but that would be against the stream-of-semiconsciousness style of the post, so sod off.

This gives you two options - pick a stud and a pile of nobodies and hope that your stud pays huge dividends, or pick 4-5 marginally expensive players and 4-5 cheapies. If you're gonna pick cheapies, go for players that are cheap on reall good teams, or are playing at home, or playing in Colorado, because even I know that's a hitter's park and even the boys that aren't juicing can hit a mile up there where the air is thin. I try to go for the second route, since as I might have mentioned, I don't follow baseball and don't care enough to start.

4) Have fun. Most of the contests are cheap, ranging from $1 to $10, so why not have a good time farting around on the intertubes pretending to understanding baseball?

*admittedly my $58 includes a $20 instant deposit bonus, but shit, it's profit, right?

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