Falstaff

An endearing, fat, aging rogue who appears in several of the plays of William Shakespeare. He is prominent in the two parts of King Henry the Fourth, where he is the jolly companion of Prince Hal, the future King Henry V. Falstaff is a lover of wine, women, and song; although a coward in practice, he loves to tell tales of his supposed bravery.

I can't think of a much more appropriate moniker. I'll take it. Thanks, Wes.