Nickname needed - taking suggestions

So since I realize that John is one of the more common names on the planet, and since BadBlood asked if I had an internet nickname that folks could use to relieve confusion, I realized that I don't. So I suppose I need one. And given most of the folks I associate with, Fatass isn't going to give me any more individuality than my given name, so a little more help there, please.

Since Brad-o-ween (see most of the folks that I have links to for great trip reports) I've driven from Charlotte to Newberry, SC (family shit, no other reason to EVER go to Newberry, SC), Spartanburg, SC for work, and Durham, NC for work. That totals up to about 16 hours driving since Saturday, and my ass is whooped. My goal for the rest of the week is to just drive to and from work, and nothing more. But I did see this idiot on the road today - and I sometimes claim that people in the South are literate.