Play the Player - the n00b

Sometimes you're going to be in what you think is an ideal situation, you've got a guy at your table with absolutely NO idea what's going on. The perennial "what can I do?" guy, who doesn't know when to check, bet or fold. Frequently, our dream opponent.

This guy's a nice guy. He probably bought in for the table minimum, just see what poker is all about. He's on vacation and wants to have a little fun. He has absolutely no idea what is going on at the table, but is eager to make friends with everybody, and doesn't care if he loses (but he'd like to win), he just wants to have a good time.

Your job is to help him. While you're actively relieving him of his chips, make sure he's enjoying himself. Make sure he catches the cocktail waitress every time she swings through. Make sure he doesn't feel stupid when he loses another hand. Make sure to chat him up about where he's from, what he does for a living, and how cool Celebrity Poker Showdown is.

There are a few things to look out for with this guy. Don't ever call a raise from him unless you have the nuts. Most of the time, he's not going to be someone who bluffs, so if he raises, count on a straight or better in his hand. He'll be very loose/passive most of the time, calling preflop with any face cards or any ace, or any two sooooted cards. When he misses most flops, he's not going to chase, but if he hits a pair, any pair, he's with you to the river. Check/fold will be his most common move, but if he raises you, or god forbid, after he's been at the table a little while, check-raises you, let him have it.

Even if he bluffs at you once or twice, there's practically no chance of him leaving the table with chips, so make sure he's your buddy, play ABC poker against him, and let him enjoy funding your retirement.

Tags: live poker, poker strategy